Freaking Stress

It's killing me.

I'm not happy in my life. I love my kids, and there are days when I love being able to stay home with them. But, at my core, I'm a guy who needs to be out there making a living, making an impact, and making a difference.

I don't feel like I get to do that watching Sesame Street, and Imagination Movers, then doing laundry and changing a diaper. Or two. Or 10.

The stress makes it so, on one day I eat like crap, on the other, I barely eat at all. I haven't worked out. I haven't weighed myself. I'm just kind of muddling through. I just feel like my energy level is so low that I can barely get myself off the couch for any real length of time.

I feel like, if just a couple of things would look up for us as a family, I could get over this hump, and get back to what I need to do. Until then, I keep hunting for the job I need, and hoping the stress can drop...at least a little.

Staying Focused

It's one of the toughest parts of the process. You have a few good days, you see your weight drop, and you figure you can take a day off. When you feel like you've earned a bad meal, it's easy to justify eating one.

Enter Casa Bonita.

As a kid, I used to go there once a year, normally as a reward for a good report card, or for winning a 3rd-grade spelling bee. I loved it. For those who have never been, take a look around the site, and you'll see how it can be so appealing to a young kid.

Now, the food is pricey, and it's mediocre, at best. A dinner for four, with drinks (all diet, of course) cost us nearly $50. For that, we got four huge plates of all-you-can-eat chicken-based fare. Enchiladas, Chimichangas, Tacos, re-fried beans, Spanish rice...And once you finish the first plate, it just seems natural to have a second. So I did.

So, bad food choices, but at least my kids enjoyed it.

No. No, they did not. That place, with its caves, guys in monkey suits, fake bats hanging from the ceiling, and so much more, scared the living ba-jeezers out of my girls.

So, lesson learned on two counts.

1. I haven't earned JACK, yet.
2. My kids are still too young for semi-scary, mediocre, themed, Mexican eateries.

Got it.

Today's weigh in: 301.6 (crap)
My 5-Day average: 300.1 (crap)

BAM

I'd need to do a few more of those Australian Pull Ups, grow some hair on my head, and go from go-tee to full beard, but otherwise, that looks JUST like me.

Today's Weigh In: 298.4
5-Day Average: 299.8

Finally broke the 300 barrier, and I did it with room to spare. That said, I am FAR from feeling like I'll never see 300 again. I'm only 1.6 pounds away, and that could be undone with one bad meal.

As happy as I am to see 290s, it makes me a little upset, as well. A week ago today, I broke out of the 300s for the first time in weeks, and I instantly jumped back up. My goal was to hit 294.8 by this morning, and I'm not even close to that number.

That said, I had a good week of workouts, got some activity in, and my overall attitude about things improved. My hope is that my body has gone from hanging on to helping, and this week will see a drop of 3-4 pounds.

My goal for next Sunday morning is now 294.0.

By June 17th, I want to see a 269.

Let's go.

At the Movies

It feels like my body and the number 300 are in a movie together. Not a good movie, either. It's like they got together, stole some dialogue from Titanic, and I'm stuck in the theater, unable to get away.

300: Make me this promise, body. Never let go. No matter what, don't ever let go.

My Body: I promise you, 300. I won't let go. I'll never let go.

300: I'm being serious, here. No matter how many Australian pull ups you do, and no matter how clean you eat, you CAN NOT drop below 300, k?

My Body: Hey, lay off. I already told you I promised. I'll never let go, 300. I'll never let go.

Me: Guys? Hey, um, it's actually cool if you go ahead and drop below 300. Feel free to move down to 298 or so. Maybe even lower. It's fine.

Not gonna win any awards, huh? This is driving me nuts.

Today's weigh in:

300.0

My new 5-day average:

300.2

Stay clean today, and try it again tomorrow, I guess.

Breathe in, Breathe out...

No need to freak out here. Yet.

Today's weigh-in:

300.4

Now, I said I'd never mention my previous weight-loss on this blog again, but I'm making an exception right now. Before, the first time I tried to get under 300, my body held onto that number like nothing I've ever seen. I think I hovered around 300 and 301 for about a week before I finally dropped into the 290s. Didn't matter what I did, my body just would NOT let go of 300.

So, I guess I have proof that this is what my body likes to do.

Still, I'm planning another light eating day, and I just finished my 3 sets on the PPU (I'm liking this thing). I'll do my 3 sets of push ups later in the day.

And tomorrow? I guess we'll see what happens. But I'm pretty sure I won't be hitting 294.8 on Sunday.

Not Cool

Alright, nobody chimed in from yesterday, so it looks like it's just me out here. No problem.

I worked out yesterday, ate under 1,200 calories, consumed extra water, and put on .2 pounds.

My last five weigh-ins:
299.8
300.8
300.4
300.0
300.2

Over those five or six days, I've been eating well, staying active, and really focusing on this. I haven't budged, and that pisses me off.

As for today, no workout, and I'm aiming for 2,000 calories with at least 40 ounces of water beyond what I'd normally drink.

This is frustrating.

Hovering

I've been exercising, but not eating 100% clean since I dropped back out of the 3's. As a result, I've been hovering just above that 300 mark for the last few days. Today, I hit 300.0 right on the nose.

The goal for this week is to get to 294.8 by Sunday morning. I'm going to do a VERY light caloric day today (under 1,000), and then I'll go back to my normal routine (not over 2,200) tomorrow. I'm hoping that a low day will give me the push I need.

Also did a little work on the Perfect Pull Up yesterday. Not a lot, but enough to tell that it will give me a workout once I can spend some more time with it, which I hope will be today. I'm just going to go back to push ups, toss in these pull ups, and then eat clean. It's worked for me in the past.

Not much else to report.

If you're following along, chime in and let me know...

Back Out of the 3's

Quickies...

- Down 6+ pounds since the move, 299.8. Hoping to stay under for good this time.
- Purchased the Ultimate Pullup today. We shall see.
- Pics to track...





This shirt is snug, so it should say a lot about where I am as the weeks progress. New shots every Sunday night.